god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
