M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
