The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
