PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
did you just send me my own nude
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
