i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She bit a glass in half.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
