Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
