Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
