fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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