Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
