Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
