omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
