I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
