Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You just made me feel so damn special
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
