what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
