Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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