apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
