On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
