i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
