i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
