So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
