you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
