shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
