her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
