Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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