No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
