that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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