It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
