I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
