wrigley field is MILF paradise
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
