i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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