i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
