He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
