never play flip cup with pint glasses
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
