New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
