just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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