I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
