dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
