i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
