why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
