you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
