So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
