My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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