Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
