Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
