yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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