dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
