I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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