clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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