I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
