Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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