How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Small penises have feelings too.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
