ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
